don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize