Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
