This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
