do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
