...so i touched it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
