So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
