I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
