I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
