im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize