Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
