What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
