Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
