MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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