Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
