I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
