she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
