i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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