is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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