Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
