I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
