I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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