Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
