Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
