Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize