How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
