It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
