We won't sleep together?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
