perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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