so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
