his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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