If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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