I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
