trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
