I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
