everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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