But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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