...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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