so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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