my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize