I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How naked do you want me to be?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize