he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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