nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
