So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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