I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
