You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
