im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
