Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
