I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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