I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
