I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wear drunk well.
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