one might say we're banned from that church
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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