Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
