i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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