what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
