You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
