This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize