You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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