You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
