I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
