the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
