its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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