I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
