Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
