i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
