so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
