You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
