What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
