I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
