I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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