I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
