i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
