if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
