Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize