I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
