Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize