i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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