I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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