Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
