I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
