i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
