nut hugger
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
