i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Say something about gay babies.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's the barista slut.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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