He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
