Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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