I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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