thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
