my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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