An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
