im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
