I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
