dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
