her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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