i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
