I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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