Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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