Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
