I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
