guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
