remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
