You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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